We Turn the Pages
by DenizenofTwilight
Summary: Ever since it had come out that M'gann had been emulating TV's "Hello, Megan", she'd found herself getting more and more insecure. It doesn't help that she's still new to certain Earth concepts, either. But perhaps the worst thing happening lately: M'gann is questioning her powers, and what makes her better than the villains. When Miss M needs a reality check, who's there to help?


**We Turn the Pages**

As she pushed her red hair behind her ear, ignoring the memory of a time that Kaldur had thought it looked green (acting like the typical big brother that M'gann had labeled him as), Miss Martian found she could only look at Superboy self-consciously (1).

At the right of her—literally elbow to elbow with M'gann—was Artemis, who M'gann knew wasn't missing her blush or uncomfortable exterior at all… which, of course, just served in making her feel even more insecure.

Leaping into the air, in an attempt to get away from Conner as she jumped from the back of one chair to the next, M'gann had to wonder what her surrogate sister was thinking about her and Conner now. As it was, M'gann knew now that she and Conner had a lot to work out, and…

But even worse than that, M'gann found herself thinking now, what was _Superboy _thinking of?

Laughing in a tone that M'gann knew sounded way too much of Robin, when he disappeared during a fight, M'gann thought that maybe it'd be best if she went to her room until-

"Whoa. M'gann, are you okay? You look like you saw a ghost. Is everything all right?" Nearly jumping ten feet into the air, when Robin snuck up from behind her and forced her to face him, the redhead was about to try and assure the Boy Wonder that she was just fine and to let it alone, when Wally seemed to find the need to torture her further. How she could have killed him.

"Will you guys stop it?!" came the loud, gruff and angry voice that could have only belonged to Superboy (the very person M'gann had been trying to avoid, but also her current savior, as fate would have it).

Throwing his tattered black shirt—that had been ripped during a mission—first at Kaldur (whom Conner must have noted M'gann had been giving a certain look to in remembering his once jibe), and then even harder with the other piece at Robin, M'gann could understand without even seeing his face what his actions meant:

That he was warning anyone from interrogating or antagonizing his girlfriend, if she wanted to be left alone.

Completely flattered at her love's kindness (err... kind of?), M'gann's first extinct was to blush red once again… Upon remembering that a similar event had once jumpstarted her and Conner's relationship.

And as it happened, it was that moment that Sphere seemed to decide to stroll into the room, and to flash a somewhat pink-red color itself.

"So..." Wally began awkwardly, just as Superboy dangled what the white, spiked underlining of his sleeves towards M'gann, "Who wants to talk about the matter at hand? I vote we make some barbeque, and get our minds off things," he continued on, just when Artemis decided to hold on his hand; though if the way that Artemis was holding it so tightly was any indication, she was only doing so to keep the Kid Flash from doing something stupid.

"Tch. Why is everyone staring at me?" Kid Flash finally continued on, in what could have only been meant to be a disinterested way, though M'gann knew the way he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, meant he was actually slight nervous. And to be honest, M'gann definitely couldn't say she didn't prefer the true version of Wally.

_We're all overreacting to things_, M'gann thought to herself. We just need to relax, like Wally has seemed to, and...

"No one is staring at you, Wally, so stop thinking it. I dabble in truths, after all, so please believe me when I say that."

Huh. Well, that was interesting, M'gann thought albeit with a smirk on her face. And as such, M'gann quickly became aware of two things. One, that Artemis was talking soft spoken and even... somewhat nicely to Wally, so there was really no more denying that she truly did like him.

And two... that Wally actually really seemed uncomfortable under everyone's scrutiny, via Artemis' line. And not for the first time, M'gann found herself thinking it probably was best that Wally hadn't become leader, after all, since he was a bit shy. Idly, she had to wonder, though, what would have happened if Conner had stepped up. He might have been good at it, M'gann supposed.

"Back to Wally's point, we probably _ought _to talk about what we're all here for. Though I consider you all my family, we hardly ever get together just for a pleasure cruise," Kaldur explained, as he finally strode to the front of the room, which was his proper place among them.

"Let me guess: you guys have been receiving some problematic alerts lately?" Conner deadpanned, as he slightly pulled away from where M'gann had subconsciously put her hand on his shoulder, and headed ever so slightly closer to where Kaldur was.

"Of course, Superboy. Did you expect anything else at this point?" Robin sighed, as he looked at M'gann again, for whatever reason, which in turn made her quite uncomfortable. She remembered well when Robin had been so willing to sacrifice his team in that one simulation training, after all. Not that she was free from blame herself, though, since the entire thing had been her fault to begin with. "I mean, I'd love to eat out just like the rest of you, like Wally said, but when do we ever really get the chance to relax? It's what we signed up for, right?

"And anyway, if we don't answer this alert now, I'm afraid we're going to have to be whelmed by the sheer power of the android."

Squaring her shoulders, and preparing to listen to all she had to do, M'gann knew that despite everything, if they needed another leader, Robin would definitely get her vote. But even so... as M'gann somehow sensed that this mission was going to put her against her inner demons, she almost found herself wishing that Conner was leader, so that he could help his girlfriend deal with the emotional side of the mission, too. But alas.

...

"Whoa! Don't let that get under your skin, Conner. I don't think it's good for you," M'gann snapped at her partner, as he dodged a car flying at him, but seemed to get some antifreeze on him in the process. And as she contemplated more, about how they all needed to get their head in the game, M'gann couldn't help feeling as though maybe the crab robot before them also had a head, and that was part of their problem in fighting it. It wasn't- it wasn't sentient, was it?

"And also, shouldn't you know not to get distracted in battle, seeing as how the last thing you watched on TV had the same message?" the girl continued on cheekily, just to fill up the silence because it was far too quiet on the snowy street without Conner talking, she found. Especially seeing as how the voices in M'gann's own head only seemed to be getting louder…

"We're being attacked by things like Sphere?" Conner questioned with real despair in his voice that made M'gann completely despise herself, for wanting Conner to keep talking in this fight, when it was obvious where his thoughts would lead him. "But how can that be? Did Luthor Corp somehow get plans to make devices like it? Or-" _Conner, I-_

Deciding then and there that telepathy probably wasn't the best choice to use on Conner at this moment, since his head was already too full of certain thoughts (and she didn't want to disrupt the rest of the Team's fight patterns, either), M'gann decided it would probably be best to fly up close to the nearest arm, and use her telekinesis to drop the car from earlier onto it.

Maybe if they could just destroy it piece by piece? It certainly seemed to be a good idea, M'gann found, as she was successful in knocking off the arm that had begun making an ear-splitting sound, but nearly got the car thrown back at her, in the process.

In fact, knowing full well how if the car had caught her unprepared (like it would have, in that moment the monster had chosen to strike) that she would have been crushed unrecognizably, M'gann found herself more thankful for Conner and his super speed than she ever had been before.

And as he carried her in his arms for just a moment, she even kissed his cheek to let him know how grateful she was and how much she loved him, before he gracefully put her down, like the gentleman he was.

"Damn this thing is powerful!" Conner bellowed, just as he dodged one of the monster's tentacles that was darting back and forth, trying to grab him.

And as M'gann flew headlong over him, watching as the Superboy used his super speed to get a handle on the thing, in a way that even Wally would have been proud of, she felt... almost cheapened, that Conner was saying such things, when he was really doing remarkably against the Hydra-like-thing.

Robin, for example, though possessing superior agility, was no doubt having a real hard time against this thing: the sort that Conner himself had just hinted at, though he really had no idea what it was like... to truly fall so far from his predecessor's tree.

And at once, M'gann felt horrible for thinking such things about her boyfriend, seeing as how she knew how ordinary he felt into comparison to Superman. And yet- he was the one who was most like his would-be-mentor. He wasn't a hideous beast like M'gann herself was...

Ignoring how down below her, Artemis and Wally had gotten into another fight—and Robin had seemed to disappear once again—M'gann quickly swooped over where only Superboy and Wolf were making any sort of headway against the monster (that had just swiped and damaged a building like a crane might have).

And pulling her hood up and over her face, she made her decision. As it happened, Miss Marian was almost one-hundred-percent certain that the being before her was sentient, and most likely had thought processes much like her own (and thus, it was a similar monster to how she was, after all), and that meant... she could use her mind powers on it, didn't it?

And as Rocket finally seemed to have heeded the team's call, and appeared with Zatanna in tow—only for her to instantly get thrown down by the Hydra, when she began levitating—M'gann sprang into action.

And as she did, and Kaldur watched her, she couldn't help feeling he'd known what she'd do all along. And just how- just how fearsome her powers really were.

Oh, how quickly the good times they'd been having at the base gave way to her despair for M'gann, but it was no matter.

Locking onto the monster's mind, M'gann discovered its weakness, and ordered it to end itself. But all the while, as a light rain started up overhead, M'gann thought what she'd really ended had been herself. And so, she ducked even moreso into her hood, aiming to make her seeming-annihilation complete.

…

M'gann sat in her room at the Team's cave, as she looked over the VHS tapes in her hand, trying to decide which episode of "Hello, Megan" she wanted to watch next.

And though that show was usually her one way ticket to being cheered up—she'd based her entire life on Earth around it, after all—when things had gotten bad... Today, when M'gann thought of watching the dated sitcom, she couldn't help wondering what the point was.

Had her life really been reduced to this? Was this all that it was? And if Conner came in and saw her watching her favorite show, after already noting how off she'd been during the mission, what would he think? What did he think already? After all, he knew a thing or two about channel surfacing himself, but Conner...

As much as he obsessed about other certain things, he still handled his television watching in the right way. For one thing, he—unlike M'gann—actually would have watched the "Megan" DVDs she'd gotten from her Uncle J'onn (since as he put it, most VCRs were obsolete), but more than that...

He hadn't staged his life on someone who didn't exist, and hadn't become someone who was completely fake. Even with his connection to Superman, Conner seemed to want to spite the thing more than anything, and she was- God, what was she even doing?

It was with such thoughts like this going on in her head, that Conner finally found the Martian in her room, devastated, as the white noise of her old TV sounded in the background.

And at first, as M'gann sat on her bed, with her head buried in her knees, she didn't even notice him. She'd heard the clip-clop of his shoes, sure, but she'd thought it had been from the usually boisterous Captain Marvel or something.

It wasn't until she felt her boyfriend's familiar breath on her shoulder, that M'gann tensed all over, and her mental walls came back up, so that she might put on a show. "Conner!" the girl exclaimed with faux-cheer, as she unfurled herself from her current position, before diving into the air, so that she might embrace Conner like she was meant to.

This wasn't unlike episode thirty-five of "Hello, Megan", when Megan jumped into her boyfriend's arms, during one of his football huddles, M'gann found. "Oh! Hey there, Conner! Sorry if I worried you! I know I left the oven light on, since I'd set it to bake something. And it's like, 'Hello, Megan. Actually bake the delectable chocolate and peanut butter brownies you were planning on', right? But I got caught up trying to find a new reading position, you know?"

Of course as soon as she'd said it, M'gann knew how stupid the explanation she'd just given was. Mostly, though, she knew that Conner was no fool, and that he could easily see through her when she was being like this.

He had, after all, known about her true form, before she'd even had to tell him about it. But also... it had been M'gann, via her own brutal honesty, that employed that she and Conner should always be honest with each other, so...

There was really no doubt in M'gann's head at all that Superboy could see through her act now, like he had before. And what was she even thinking? She wasn't even holding a book, as to warrant her lie. Rather, she'd left the TV on as foolishly as she had left the oven heating.

And the position she'd been in before Conner had appeared was the last position any reader would want to be in, unless they wanted to hurt their shoulders. She'd looked like to all the world that she was crying, of course, and though M'gann usually had no problem about crying in front of Conner, if she was acting like Megan—or if it was about something relatively simple and unimportant—M'gann found she couldn't even stomach it right now. Not when she was the biggest hypocrite in the world.

"Look, Conner, I can explain..."

"But that's just the thing, M'gann. You _don't_ have to explain, and that's weird for me to say, since I've wanted some sort of explanation my whole life, but yeah. Even though it sucks that you don't think you can talk to me about your insecurities, it's still nothing you need to apologize for. I have more ample reason to apologize for trusting Lex Luthor, so I'm not angry with you, M'gann, but... I still think you're wrong, and I wish you could see why."

And of course in that special, Conner way of his, it turned out that the brunette seemed to know exactly what M'gann's issues were. And not for the first time, M'gann wondered if he might have actually been the mind reader in their relationship

But even with how kind and meaningful his comforting was to the Martian (especially since Conner had the capability of being quite standoffish and aloof), the fact remained that he was wrong. He hadn't seen the monster's mind, and thus didn't know... that it had been innocent, and being controlled by Luthor Corp—the very company that Conner had just cursed.

In the end... what right had she had to destroy it, really? At the heart of it, the creature had been no different than any other member of the team: No different from her, except that it hadn't had a choice, and M'gann did... Yet she felt as though she was growing more monstrous and ugly with her powers all the time.

"I know what you're thinking, M'gann," Conner whispered in the redhead's ear angrily, as he ironically began massaging her shoulders, just when his voice decided to range on the angry side. "But you can't afford to think like that. It would have been one thing if the machine was sentient, but if it couldn't be swayed—like you said it couldn't earlier—then it wasn't conscious, and so… it never would have stopped, M'gann. It was just a robot doing what its master bid.

"And I know you're going to argue that Red Tornado is a robot, or that even I could be seen like that, or even you with your strong powers, but that's a lie and you know it. If we start thinking what we do is wrong, and question what is right, how are we any different from the Jokers and the others? How? At the end of the day, you've just gotta do your best with what you've got. We can't save everyone, M'gann.

"And hell, didn't you learn all of this on our first mission together, and you destroyed that android? When I... when I began falling in love with you, because you did see what was right, without blinders on, unlike Superman?"

"Conner…" As it was, M'gann truly appreciated that Conner was trying to cheer her up. And she found then—as she cupped a hand under her chin in thought—that it would have been far too easy to just lean into him and pretend:

To pretend that she was okay, and that their relationship wasn't built on lies; and just give in and enjoy her life for a while. But at the same time, M'gann understood with a certain clarity that she couldn't do that anymore. In fact, she even feared what her and Conner's relationship could easily end up as, if she didn't stop running from the truth.

So in extracting herself from out of Conner's arms, M'gann opted to fly back to the place that had first caused her to hate her powers: the training center where she'd realized just what all she could do, and how fearsome her powers really were.

And though the Martian regretted leaving Conner like that, as she leapt into the air, and began flying down the cave's corridors with a certain resolve, she knew that there was really nothing for it.

After all, Artemis had once told M'gann that part of the reason she hadn't started a relationship with Wally, was because she knew all the kinks it would have. And so, in that, Artemis had thought it was best not to try at all—and to save them the inevitable pain of it—instead of being together, and hurting each other on a regular basis.

In truth, M'gann had never thought much of what Artemis had mentioned before, but now... now the redhead felt as though she might have understood what she was getting at.

And Conner, at least, seemed to respect M'gann enough to understand this all, and give her that, as he hadn't made to follow her.

Coasting around the-on-probation-Captain Marvel, M'gann decided she was going to make good on Conner's trust, so as she glided into the room, she fancied a look at the weapon wrack in front of her.

Before her eyes, M'gann was met with the image of steel, the smell of leather nunchaku handles, and her reflection in a large shield, that seemed to hold her face in its mirrored center. And for the first time that M'gann could remember, since coming to Earth, she felt meaning and possibilities stretch out in front of her, in something that had nothing to do with "Hello, Megan".

She almost felt as though… as though she was seeing herself clearly for the first time. Maybe.

Pulling a lance into her hands, and balancing the weight of it in the palm of her hands, M'gann thought she might have been getting a sort of understanding about how the rest of the team lived. And even how regular civilians—armed to protect themselves—did.

It was odd holding Earth weapons like this, the redhead thought to herself, as she momentarily dropped the blade to the ground—so that it scoffed against the carpet when she tried to get it up.

But it was also... her somehow, M'gann reflected. If she wanted to, she could share this way of combat as easily as the humans did—and yes, even robots seemed to share this mode of combat—so in the end, perhaps they weren't that different, after all?

Frowning at the thought, as she moved to put the tools back onto the wheeled, silver wrack, M'gann found herself momentarily wondering what sort of tragedy it was, that only allowed beings to bond by the violence that would only further push them away...

But at the same time, as she felt more a part of them, in bearing traditional warfare and... didn't it also help the opposite claim? That now that she was more like them, she wouldn't use her mind magic to hurt them in a way _they_ couldn't understand?

Yes, that was definitely it, M'gann thought, as she chose again to soar up into the air, and attack invisible targets, with her weapons in hand; she was trying to bridge the gap between her and the others, so that she could live knowing she could never truly hurt them.

And though this test of hers might have been a bit off-kilter, it was all that she had, and it was progress, at least. Yes, she could live with this, the Martian thought to herself, as she heard the clopping of shoes that she would have known anywhere. She could most definitely live with this.

"Y'know, M'gann," Conner muttered, as he, thankfully, didn't look at her angrily or sadly, but rather amused. "You might find that simulation training works better when you actually _have_ simulations running around," the boy finished off, by crossing his arms and waving his finger in a "tsk, tsk" fashion.

Sighing at Conner dreamily (because she'd thought he would blow up at her or something, but he'd become so much more down to earth and sweeter since they'd begun dating), M'gann quickly tried to hide her bright red blush, before diving down to where Conner's hands were reached out, to beckon her down to him.

Hit with a sort of excitement and joy that she couldn't even begin to understand at this point, M'gann began swimming through the air, in a way that she'd once seen dolphins move rapidly through waves. And just when she grabbed her boyfriend's wrists, and was about to kiss him again, she found instead that her momentum caused her to flip over his back, and land on her butt.

And just like that, M'gann found that she was mortified, for her unusual lack of grace, but when Conner simply shook his head at her in mirth, M'gann couldn't find it in herself to be too depressed about it all. Rather, she almost had to laugh at herself, for having failed in her "trapeze" maneuver in a way that Robin would have surely laughed at.

She also seemed to have gotten her foot caught in some weird, stirrup type thing? Idly, M'gann wondered if this was how Wonder Woman had practiced climbing up her Invisible Jett, before she assured herself that she was just being silly.

"Here, M'gann. Do you need a hand?" Conner asked, as he extended said hand towards the girl, and looked too much like he was holding back laughter.

In the back of her mind, as M'gann used some of her telekinesis to make it look like a halo was floating over her head (she aimed to look like an angelic heroine, who was being embarrassed by her devilish boyfriend), she supposed he probably was.

That and of some terrible jibe that probably would have infuriated Wally easily, if he'd been on the receiving end of it (as he was sensitive like that), but M'gann...

Well, call it stupid love, but even when she felt that Conner was going to say something to irritate her, she still preferred to know what he was getting at, if for no other reason than she knew they needed to stay on the same page. _The_ _Same page_...

"Uhh, M'gann, is there a reason you're ripping some of the felt off those nunchaku handles? I can't see Robin liking that too much, seeing as how he's known to favor those from time to time."

And it was the sincere and earnest look on Conner's fact that made M'gann double over in laughter, so that instead of finally standing up, she just fell into Conner, as he wondered at her weird habits.

Finally, though, as she got control of her laughter, M'gann explained that, "You're right, Conner. I'm sorry, and am going to stop that right now. I didn't even realize I was doing it, to be honest. I just felt like I was ripping book pages or something, and- And I realized I've been doing this wrong all along," M'gann finished awkwardly and sadly, as she bit into her lip so roughly, that she was sure she'd draw blood, and she looked at Conner, begging him to forgive her.

"In the beginning, when you and I met and I told you to call me 'Megan', I was already beginning to live my life by that show: losing myself right in the beginning, even. But Conner, you never called me that. You called me by my name 'M'gann'. It was like... it was like even then you already knew what I was doing, and were telling me not to, and to be myself.

"And really... that's not fair at all, since I named you after Megan's boyfriend, and I apologize for that. I apologize for a lot, actually. I've made a lot of mistakes, and while I can't always make amends and be perfect like Megan... I guess what really matters is that I try my hardest. I'm realizing that now, Conner. And it's that that makes me different from insentient beings, huh?"

Sometimes it truly astounded M'gann how knowledgeable and recipient Conner could be of her wants and needs. At first look, and even in knowing him at first, M'gann had assumed that Conner would be the type that wouldn't want to deal with emotions, or girlfriends, or anything like that.

But now, as he was frozen in shock, with his hands in the air—looking as though he was willing to try and put M'gann together, should she start breaking—M'gann thought she might be beginning to love him more than she'd ever thought possible.

If she was being honest with herself, M'gann was certain that she didn't deserve Conner, but she would try everyday to make certain that she might be someday. And once again, wasn't that all that mattered?

As M'gann smiled at Conner slightly, she noticed visibly how his face lightened, and his shoulders relaxed. Then, upon chuckling slightly, Conner ruffled M'gann's hair, and put all of her doubts to rest in only the way he could: the way she was certain he always would in the future, if she let him in and stopped being so fake. Really, it wasn't fair for him to have an artificial girlfriend. Not at all.

"I'm glad you're doing better, M'gann. It's all I really wanted and hoped for from you. And though I don't agree with everything you're saying... I know we don't always perceive ourselves in the best way, I guess. Also... I like the name Conner and Kent, so it's really no big deal. But I wouldn't mind, per se, if you tried to become less like the nerd that Wally is, I guess."

As M'gann stood near Conner unblinking and in shock for a moment (as she seemed to somehow levitate the weapon wrack around them, regardless), she couldn't help but note just how perfect this person before her was. He was truthful, unyielding, and hardnosed, which was really what a passive person like her needed, in order to see things clearly.

No doubt if M'gann had dated one of the other guys on the Team, she might have gotten rehearsed lines, long and kind explanations, and the type of love she'd once dreamed of through "Hello, Megan".

But as it happened, M'gann was slowly realizing that she didn't want or need any of that. It was a slow process, but it was a process, all the same. And if Conner would be there to help her through it, and be her light at the end of the tunnel when she finally reached her destination, what more could she ever even want? What even?

So finally standing up with Conner, M'gann took to flying upwards as quickly as she could, if only so she could burrow herself high in his arms, and kiss him like she had that first time that felt like so long ago.

And M'gann found in the grand scheme of things, that this was really her first page and story: the type of thing she should have wanted to be a reality in the first place.

And when M'gann noticed this, she summoned one of the nunchakus to hand again, and it was safe to say it went undamaged, and it would from here on after.

She had no desire to rip _her_ pages and see what lie underneath, ever again. Which could only be for the best... and from now on, as she had a confidence in herself that she never had before, M'gann knew that everything she did in the future would somehow always end up right, even if it only did so in the end.

**Author's Note: (1) I actually had my surrogate older brother say that my hair looked green one day, so that's where I got that from. LOL. I just wanted to start the story with M'gann already feeling insecure, you know? (As I knew that was what this story was going to be about.) I don't really like that line much anymore, however, but I suppose it serves its purpose, so what are you gonna do? **

**I think it was also supposed to be a friendly joke of Kaldur's, about how M'gann's blush usually matches her hair-but for just a moment there, it looked like the same color as her skin-but it got lost in translation, I think.**

**Tbh, I don't know how crazy I am about the first third of this story. I actually wrote that part a long time ago, before I got inspiration for the rest of the story, and I don't really know how well it meshes together. I edited it a lot, but if there are mistakes there-or if it feels disjointed-that's probably why. Sorry. (That and the fact I'm writing and editing a million stories at the moment, because I'm crazy.)**

**But as for the rest of the story… I like it, I think. And I hope you guys do, too. This is my first time writing for YJ, but now that I've opened the door, I might be willing to try again. I think I came to a cool place with Conner and M'gann here, so maybe that means the other characters are just as fun to play with, as well:)**

**And actually, I'm sort of surprised that I chose to write Conner/M'gann for this. Though I do love them, Spitfire is more of my YJ OTP. However… seeing as how I love Superboy on a ridiculous level, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Hahaha. Though I am sorry that I wasn't able to write something Batfam for the lovely Dani (I probably would have just messed it up), and that I had to cut some of my favorite Dick lines. -le sigh-**

**But anyway… HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DANI! I hope you're having a great seventeenth birthday so far, and that it's full of a lot of things from the fandoms you love. LOL. Love you lots, honey. HUGS. Hope to talk to you soon, and thanks for getting me into YJ and everything else. You're so good at helping me spread my wings.**

**Also... I hope you liked this, Dani. I know you have issues with this pairing, and I tried to address it here and stuff. Yep. Here's hoping I didn't fail completely...**

**Anyway… catch you guys later.**

**-Shanna**

******P.S. Sorry if the timeline is a bit off in this. Admittedly, it's been a while since I watched YJ, so...**


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